Apparently, we are all going to die in 2012. Great. That's just great. I just started my blog this year and now they tell me it's only going to last a couple of years. And what can I promise after being bombarded with these news? Defiance? Against Mommy Nature? The only good thing I can take from this is the fact that I will not die a bald man - my phobia of turning into a tall walking penis from now on will be beautifully senseless, as I admire the poor George Costanzas of this decaying planet.
If I am defying the end of the world, I have to start by defying the true facts - the fact that the Long Count Calendar of the ancient Mayans ends in this year - December 21st, to be more precise; how around this time there is a so called "precession of the equinoxes", after 25,800 years (time taken to complete one full cycle) with consequent conjunctions in the heavens between the stars and the solar system (http://www.survive2012.com/why_2012_alignment.php); Nostramadus's prediction of a war with "camels; or the tension between the United States and threatening nations such as Iran and North Korea.
There is a scary chronology that can easily intimidate whoever digs into this scenario way too deep. I am not that much of a digger, but I got slightly worried. Worried enough to present my theory and conviction that after 2012 there will be... a 2013, with more wars, diseases, crazy Korean leaders, swine flus, bird flus, camel flus, hamster flus... I find an apocalyptic state in 2012 as likely as to find results on Google for "Paris Hilton college graduate".
I mean, come on! If the world really is going to end, why 12 - 21- 12. Are we playing again with the numbers here? This insinuation is as valid as the year 2000. We might as well all die the sixth of June 2066.
The scenario is unlikely in either possibilities:
- a world with a God - why would He cynically end the world this way? He is as cynical as Obama is white. Actually, that would mean He is half cynical, which makes the example defective, but you know what I mean.
- a world with no God - no God, no supernatural. Simple. This way, Mr. Nostradamus was one frenchy full of shit.
But if the lands will shake and spit fire and defeat mathematical optimist equations, in a way that I find to be equitable to the human race - although generally speaking, we did not exactly have a stable behavior throughout these centuries (slavery, the Inquisition, racism, genocides and Hip Hop) - I should start fulfilling all these things that I have listed before I die:
1 - play horse shoes naked;
2 - play poker naked;
3 - play strip poker already naked (I am very objective);
4 - do many other things naked;
5 - go to the moon and hang a Portuguese flag (I am sick and tired of my dad showing his national pride for the fact that the American flag was sown by a Portuguese lady, which I believe is camel shit anyways) naked;
6 - find the cure to baldness;
7 - find the cure to stupidity;
8 - understand the female mind;
9 - create a chain restaurant that combines Hooters, Planet Hollywood, Chinese food, one dollar pints, free pool tables, and call it "Heaven";
10 - join the army of my nation, Portugal - I've always wanted to play with a slingshot
11 - pee in a toilet from the White House
12 - take a dump in a toilet from the White House
13 - be rich
14 - die trying (most probable)
If the world does not end, don't be disappointed. You always have the movie "2012", premiering this November. Check out the trailer.
As for me, I'll rent the movie in 2013.
